Written by Jenn
I’m contemplating my mother today on her death anniversary.
Mom passed away 18 months after my father did, at the age of 50 (my father was 49 when he died). Her hospitalization and death has been one of the most stressful times in my life. The three years surrounding that has been an aching blur of memories.
It’s hard not to tear up when I think of Mom. Words cannot express how much she means to me. She taught me so much by her witness of unconditional love, and her beautiful example of enduring strength in suffering. Her faith in God was unshakeable, and her sense of hope undiminishing.
It pains me to know that my children don’t have her in their lives. They’re unaware of what they’re missing. I grieve for the future we’ll never have together.
I miss her.
And today, more than ever, I miss my siblings. I suspect they’ll visit Mom’s grave today, bring her a small pot of flowers, and perhaps a small Tim Horton’s double-double, her favourite.
I learned from grief counselling that there’s a body memory for loss. I can’t remember the fine details of the countless hours spent in the hospital, all the funeral preparations, and what we did with her things eight years ago…..But my body remembers.
This time of year is usually a low point for me. I feel my energies dip. I’m more sluggish and tired than usual and want to sleep all the time. Mentally, I have no desire to think of anything. I escape with my mind by reading fiction and watching movies. Emotionally, I’m sensitive, impatient, easily discouraged, and prone to tears.
This ebb-tide of grief still surprises me. No matter how hard I run towards joy, loss nips at my heels. Such is the human condition, when loved ones who hold the promise of the future pass on before us.
.Good Gifts by Melanie Doane
Good Gifts of Love
Good Gifts you hand me down
From your first touch
To my wedding gown
Do you even know what you have given me?
Do you even see that you are wisdom, you are wisdom to me?
My song, my soul
You gave so easily
I’ll not forget these gifts to me
We say good-bye but we are not alone
Here with me still, my heart my home